Advice to the Muslim sisters.

I got this from another blog. It is worth mentioning because it is very good for our dear sisters to know. Now if it is that I name the person I may get dust thrown on my face. So inshallah I will just paste the blog without mentioning who wrote it.
Hope you all are fine Inshallah. Alhamdulillah I am fine. Home for now, enjoying my time reading and listening to duroos, Alhamdulillah. One thing that’s puzzling though, I was listening to a live dars on Qawaaid Al Arba’a recently and when it was time for questions mostly (98%)

Nushooz questions were asked by the sisters. At the end of it all I gathered that some of these sisters seem to be neglecting their responsibilities as wives and forsake trying to please their husband and win Allah’s pleasure and the pleasure of their husband. Here are a few tips sisters, insha Allah give me some feedback on how it’s working.

1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah ta’ala – into Jannah.

2. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect.

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.

4. Avoid arguments, and if a disagreement arises be the the first to give in and apologize even if it is not your fault. If u have to criticize do so lovingly, and never go to sleep with and argument unsettled.

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again.
This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.Al least once every day say one kind complimentary word to him.Let him be anxious to be with you and let him be happy to be blessed with you.

6. Joke and play games with your husband.
A mans secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. Run races, pillow fights, go fishing, just make time to lighten up from the stresses of life.

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.
As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband. Remember you are what he’s coming home to and you want him to be always happy to see you not as Cinderella the maid bit Cinderela at the Ball.When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting. Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

This and much more women can do to please their husband and in turn he will treat you well. Don’t misunderstand me , yes there are the men who are straight up “worthless” as trinis say, but Inshallah a sincere muslimah will choose a good muslim brother and Inshallah she will see results. Sisters use their fitnah to lure men , please do the halaal thing and use it for your husbands. Love you all!

Part 6b: Choosing a spouse (who the sisters should choose)

There are several things sisters look for when they are looking for a mate. But unfortunately many of them look for the wrong thing. As one of my good friends said: “Akhii all they looking for these days is money cars and superstars”. A plethora of sisters have chosen brothers upon the wrong criteria and have paid dearly as a result.

The Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) gave a golden advice to those who are the guardians of the sisters. He said: “If a man comes to you who has good religion and good manners than marry him (to the woman you are in charge of) and if you do not do so there will be great and widespread mischief on earth”. This hadeeth has many benefits and from them are:

1) The Muslim woman doesn’t just go on the street, sees a good looking brother and then seeks his hand in marriage. Rather this process goes through the guardian of the women. Hence for many sisters the process began on the wrong foot.  And the scholars have said: “Whatever is built upon falsehood remains false”.

2) The man who is chosen should be one who has good deen i.e he should have knowledge of the religion and must act upon this knowledge. Whether it is in his belief, his understanding of jurisprudence or his dealings with others. He would also fear Allah in secret and in the open.

3) He should have good manners. And this would ensure that he treats his wife with the best of treatment and gives her the rights that were bestowed upon her by Allah the most high.

4) If this is not done there would be great mischief upon the earth.

No doubt mischief has been spread because this golden advice has not been taken by most guardians. And Allah’s help is sought.  This is the case of what we would call ‘traditional’ Muslim families.

As for many reverts or even some sisters that grew up in Muslim homes they choose a man, whether Muslim or Kaafir, and seeks to marry him on the pretense of giving da’wah when in reality they wish to marry him for another purpose. This phenomenon is what is called in Trinidad the ‘Nikah Da’wah’. And what is sad is that when these relationships don’t work out they seek the help of the Muslims, and they complain, fret and get vext. I feel some sympathy but as the old saying goes you made your bed therefore lie down on it.

On this note I would like to lend some advice to the Muslims that would be beneficial to them. I am sure that all have seen that the common denominator for choosing a spouse is the religion and having good manners. If one knows this and doesn’t act accordingly then as we say in Trinidad: Crapaud smoke yuh pipe. 

Part 6a: Choosing a spouse (who the brother chooses)

This my dear brothers and sisters is the most integral part of marriage. The brother has to choose a sister and the sister has to choose a brother. So what happens usually?

The brother sees a sister on the street and says Wooooooow. And trust me that is not because of her piety but rather her measurements. Then he proceeds to speak to the sister under the pretense that he is giving da’wah. When in reality he has a certain motive. Unfortunately, when the sister is giving him problems he wonders why.

And the sister sees someone Kaafir or otherwise and ‘falls in love’. Rather it should be called falling in lust. And then under the pretense of giving da’wah she proceeds to make him take a Shahadah in order to marry her. But what happens after that? Problems after problems. And again she wonders why.

What is the guidance of Allah and his Messenger in terms of this matter?

Allah has said: “And marry the righteous men and women amongst you”.

This is general. And it shows that the priority is righteousness.

The Prophet (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Look for the one with the religion, or may Allah fill your hands with dust”.

This is from the Hadeeth: Women are married for four things. Her wealth, her beauty, her status and her religion. And what was the advice of the Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam)?

Did he say look for a supermodel with good measurements? Nope. And brother if that is all you are looking for may your hands be filled with dust.

Did he say look for a sister who is rich? Or a sister who has a big family?

No he didn’t . He said to look for the one with the religion. As for the one who doesn’t make the religion his priority then he would be setting himself up for disaster. Why is that?

This is because the pious women have certain characteristics:

1) They fear Allah ta’ala in secret and in the open. Hence they would wear proper Hijaab outside, they would not go outside the house often, they would not flirt with men or enter them into her husband’s house. Most importantly they would not speak about your business but rather that would remain within the house.

2) They would be more willing to give their husband’s his rights . Mainly that of being obedient to him.

3) They would have more knowledge than the one who is not pious and therefore have the ability to teach her husband and children.

4) Because of her good manners she would treat her husband better and try her utmost best to please him in any way she could.

5) When they advise they would advise with gentleness and choose a wise way of advising her husband.

This is why the Messenger of Allah (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Verily this Dunya is a Mataa’ and the best of Mataa’ is a righteous wife”.

I mean on the real my brother. Would you like a sister that when you come home she has a nice home cooked meal for you, is well dressed, wearing the best perfume, treating you like a king as soon as you reach home, using her charms only for you and educating your children upon proper manners?

Or do you want a sister who always complaining and speaking about other people’s business? And then asking questions in the Masjid wasting my precious time and revealing your business to others? Do you want a sister that flirts with other men? And whenever others see her they say: “Akhii your wife is very beautiful”.

I think all sensible brothers would choose the first option.

And this is why the noble Shaikhah Umm Salamah As Salafeeyah was saying that many of those who call themselves Salafi drool over the woman who is pretty and they leave the sisters amongst the students of knowledge.

I call these brothers stupid brothers. Why? Because the novelty and infatuation doesn’t last forever. At the end of the day what remains is the religion and good character. With the religion one can be sure that she would be doing what is obligatory upon her and with good character she would always win the love of her husband even when the infatuation, which all agree is a short stage, goes away.

And Allah knows best.