Nice thought from Umar Lee

In the past I often discussed the issues of divorce in the Muslim community and the dysfunctional family situation we have and I will continue to write about these things in the future even as I have just had a talaq myself.

Do I stop talking about the issue of marriage and talaq now, because mine did not work, or do I continue to speak on this matter, because at this point I am personally feeling the effects and pain of a failed marriage and the feelings of loneliness after being a long for the first time in years? I think that now more than ever is a time for me to write and engage in the issues I care about even in this matter. For some brothers a talaq is easy, and I have seen brothers get them like they are ordering a sack of “belly bombers” at White Castle; but these are brothers who were never sincere and they took marriage as a joke, if a brother is sincere and cares about his deen a talaq will take a lot out of him even as he moves on.

Part one (What is marriage?)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

 

Shaikh Salih Al Fawzaan says in his book Mulakkhas Al Fiqhi: Nikaah (Marriage) refers to a Shariah covenant which makes it allowable for both parties (husband and wife) to enjoy each other lawfully.

 

Marriage between a man and woman is from the signs of Allah for his worshippers to reflect upon. Allah has said:

 

“And from his signs is that he created from yourself mates for you to find rest and he brought between both of you love and mercy”. Allah has showed that from the signs of his greatness is that he from man his mate (the woman) in other that he finds rest in his mate. As Allah has said: “Verily they are a clothing for you and you are a clothing for them”. Also he brought between the couple two things. One of them is that he brings love between the hearts of the two spouses and the other is that both spouses are merciful to each other when they both make mistakes or errors.

 

And embarking upon marriage is from the Sunan of the Messengers and it is not proper to leave this Sunnah.

 

As narrated in Saheeh Muslim the Prophet (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said to the three who vowed to leave off food, sleep and marriage for worship: “And I marry women, therefore whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me”. And from the benefits of this Hadeeth are:

 

i) One should not leave off an act that is lawful (working, eating, sleeping etc) in order to exert oneself further into worship.

 

ii) That marriage is from the Sunnah of the Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam).

 

And the Prophet (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said in a Hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurairah: “Whoever can afford to then he should marry because it helps lower the gaze and protects the private parts (from Zina) …” And from the benefits of this Hadeeth are:

 

i) The order to marry if one has the ability.

 

ii) The fact that marriage lowers the gaze.

 

iii) The fact that marriage also protects a man and a woman from commiting fornication which is one of the major sins.

 

And he said: “Marry the loving childbearing women for verily I will have a large Ummah” Inshallah the benefits of this Hadeeth will be produced under the subject: “Choosing a spouse”.

 

Therefore in Summary there are many benefits in marrying amongst them:

 

• Following the Sunnah of the Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam)
• Finding love, security, happiness, comfort and mercy which is a feeling al human beings crave.
• Preserving one’s Chastity and the chastity of another.
• Having children to make the Muslim Ummah larger.

When we are speaking about Marriage in general we also speak about the issues that pertain to it. There are several issues but however I will be dealing with some of them which are more pertinent to the problems faced in the west which are:

 

1) Sincerity of the one seeking to marry.

2) The importance of gaining knowledge in this subject.

 

3) Financial preparation (especially on the part of the brother)

 

4) Mental preparation.

 

5) Choosing a spouse.

 

6) The Mahr.

Learning About Marriage

Important, important, important.

Everybody tells everyone to get married. As if it is a rush thing. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl likes boy and then boy and girl get married.

Of course in the fairy tales with all the happily ever afters they never tell you what goes on after at all. They don’t tell you how Cinderella and her Prince have to solve problems and overcome obstacles and their rights and responsibilities. Therefore, I would say we live in the fairy tale mentality.

In Islam marriage takes preperation and dedication. Preperation before the marriage and dedication during the marriage.

The man has rights and responsibilities as the woman has her rights and responsibilities.

Therefore we have to be very careful in getting married and knowing exactly what we are getting into when we do get married.  And inshallah I will put two seperate categories on marriage inshallah and all of it will be based upon the Book of Allah, the Sunnah of the Messenger, the sayings of the Salaf and then what the Ulama have said.  And it will be in three:

1) Preperation before marriage.

2) Rights and responsibilities on Husband and Wife during marriage.

I hope Allah will benefit all through this.

Serial Monogamists

Divorce is traumatic to say the least. Well for me because my it was my first ever relationship with someone else. Of course the usual thing I thought it would last forever and stuff and when everything fell apart it literally traumatized me. It took me some years to get over the pain and the grief of what happened. But I realized that at the end of the day a man cannot live his whole life based upon one bad moment in his life.

I do not understand how many people can marry three and 4 times by the time they reach my age. For me personally I had to get over my last relationship in order to even consider getting into another one.  But for many speeding is a way of living.

A serial monogomist does not live a fruitful life ever. After many years of having one relationship after the next they realize at the end of the day they end of unfulfilled and disastisfied without any romance or family life. And whilst in the younger days they were the hit of the town now they would end up alone.

There are some men who are Players in marriage. They marry one after the next after the next. And on the premise of being a ‘good brother’ they continue to abuse and mistreat our sisters marrying and divorcing based on the measurements of women.

And then there are the women who are man-eaters. If they get bored of one man they go demand a divorce and go to the next. And it goes on like that until you see them 10 years later with 5 children from 3 different men with no father to take care of them.

Yes, reality bites and it supposed to. We have to realize that people need some serious help when getting divorced so that they would not run into another relationship as soon as the first one is over.  Because as the wise people say: Whoever hurries something before its time he/she would be punished by it.